Slam Dunk the Funk: James vs Griffin

Whoa…what is in the water in the NBA? There have been some serious dunks the past few days, these men are superhuman beasts.

As of Sunday, Lebron James’ one-handed alley-oop dunk on Chicago’s John Lucas was at the top of the “Best Dunk of the Year” list. The Miami Heat in general make my blood boil, especially when the Bulls fall 97-93, but this utterly humiliating dunk over Lucas still makes me cringe.

Luckily, Blake Griffin knocked King James off of his South Beach throne the next night during the third quarter against the OKC Thunder. After receiving a bounce pass from Chis Paul, Griffin jumped in the lane, was met by Thunder’s Kendrick Perkins, and the rest is history. Griffin jumped over Perkins (who is 6’10”, not a little guy), slammed the ball into the hoop and actually wrapped his fingers around the rim. Impressive Mr. Griffin, that is the definition of a SLAM DUNK. The Wall Street Journal said it best, “Blake Griffin Will Dunk On Your Face” and take your manhood/dignity.

James even admitted defeat after seeing Griffin’s monster dunk.

Where you at Carlos Boozer? I’d like to see a dunk like this out of our big man, please and thank you!

True or False – Dwight Howard is open to being a Bull?

True! The NBA trade rumor mill is spinnin. Once again Dwight Howard was asked where he might end up this season, and this time he mentioned he’s open to landing in Chicago with the Bulls and reigning NBA MVP Derrick Rose. Prior to last Friday, Howard had mentioned locations including Los Angeles, New York, New Jersey and Dallas yada yada yada.

I mean why wouldn’t he want to play alongside Rose? A Rose-Howard dynamic duo (“double d” – Derrick and Dwight) could be, potentially, the best point guard-center combination in NBA history. It’s just what Chicago needs to wipe the floors with their Eastern Conference rival the Miami Heat, whose greatest weaknesses are at point guard and center. Hit them where it hurts. With the combination of Rose’s explosiveness and Howard’s strength and rebounding skills, I can barely keep my pants on. They’d be unstoppable.

“If I could play with Derrick right now and God wanted that to happen, it will happen,” Howard told the Chicago Tribune. “It has nothing to do with me not wanting to play with Derrick Rose. I love him. That’s my brother.”

Rumors had spread saying that marketer Adidas would not want two signature players being signed to the same team. I say forget Adidas, bring on the big man. More people live in Chicago than Orlando, which equals more feet to wear shoes, which results in their stupid shoe sales being fine.

Now, for the real question, is this franchise changing trade necessary for the Bulls success?

The Orlando Magic are most likely going to demand that Hedo Turkoglu’s bloated contract be taken on by the team getting Howard. This would force the Bulls to negotiate a player of Luol Deng’s caliber. We would also need to give up Joakim Noah (2nd best center in the east) and probably either Omer Asik or Taj Gibson. So many of my favorites…Noah’s messy bun alone holds a special place in my Bulls-fan heart.

We must remember the Bulls won 62 of 82 games last season. They also addressed their biggest positional weakness by adding Richard Hamilton at shooting guard. We have Rose the MVP at point, Deng and Noah who should be All-Stars. Chicago’s depth is impressive with Gibson and Asik backing up Carlos Boozer, Noah in the frontcourt and Ronnie Brewer, C.J. Watson and Kyle Korver coming off the bench as guards.

Would this trade be too much? Would such an alteration in the Bulls structure strip them of their identity? It isn’t likely as Howard would more than makeup for any lost rebounding as a three-time defensive player of the year. Would this type of trade be the only way Chicago would be considered the Miami Heat’s equal as a title contender?

This is all extremely hypothetical as both sides would have to really jump on it to make the trade deadline (for those of you who don’t know, it’s March 15th).

Fear the Beard

Beards, they’re everywhere.

The general definition of a beard is simply: the collection of hair that grows on the chin, cheeks and neck of human beings. Usually, only pubescent or adult males are able to grow beards (thank you Wiki).

A woman’s definition of a beard is: Male facial hair that often makes a woman’s face itch and or breakout in a rash-like reaction. Often categorized with Santa Claus and the Amish culture.

A man’s definition of a beard is: Facial hair which symbolizes a man’s entire masculinity, signifying intimidation, it is the epitome of being a real man. The thicker and longer the beard, the more superior a man is.

I did a bit of investigating and came up with my top beards in the athletic world, these are obviously the manliest men in their designated sport.

NFL = Brett Keisel

If the stature of your beard determines masculinity, Brett Keisel is the maniliest man in all the NFL. Last year during the Steelers playoff run Keisel let his beard grow, and it gained quite the notoriety on the internet. I mean look at it, he could easily be cast as the beast in Beauty and the Beast. “I think it is bar none the best beard in sports. I’m not trying to brag, that’s just my opinion,” Keisel boasted to WTAE in Pittsburgh last year.

NBA = James Harden

Oklahoma City Thunder’s sixth man James Harden is a spark off the bench, and leaves a lasting impression no doubt. Sharing a roster with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, one would think the bench could easily be overshadowed. There is no way Harden’s beard could ever go unnoticed. That is one well manicured impressive display of facial hair.

NHL = Mike Commodore

Although, this photo is old school from his days with the Hurricanes, this outrageous fro-beard combination may be back in action if the Red Wings make the playoffs this season (not that I want them to). Mike Commodore could easily be the grizzlier cousin of Carrot Top with that mangy mane and beard combo.

MLB = Brian Wilson

YOWZA!  Closer Brian Wilson began growing his trademark black beard in August of 2010 when “Fear the Beard” carried the Giants all the way to a World Series Championship. That thing is like a neck warmer. Wilson is intimidating on the mound regardless, but having to look at that thick blackness can’t give batters the warm and fuzzies.

MLS = David Beckham

I mean I’m not sure midfielder David Beckham has the best beard in the entire sport, but he’s just so pretty, you can’t dislike him even with a fuzzy face. I wonder how Miss Victoria B (forever Posh Spice) felt about the beard?

Who are your top beards? Give it a try, it’s surprisingly tough to narrow it down.

Soon to be Papa Bear

Cutty really did it this time. People.com officially reported Sunday, that Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and his fiancee, the reality star princess Kristin Cavallari, are expecting a new bundle of joy.

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” Cavallari told People. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.” It’s hard to believe the Laguna Beach mean girl who is forever ingrained in my mind whining “Ste-phennnn” is going to be a mom.

The couple’s romance bloomed in the fall of 2010, which led to a proposal in April of 2011. In the midst of planning a wedding and publicly submitting a registry (yes I admit I may have taken a peek, they registered at Crate and Barrel and Williams Sonoma – a $2,000 knife set was one item I remember, must be nice to be rich) their engagement was called off in July. It must have been Cavallari’s sweet dance moves that brought the pair back together as Cutler attended one of the Dancing with the Stars tapings in October, and the duo was “officially” engaged again in November. We can say the two really got things going to start off the new year.

Now, my question is, was this little bun in the oven a “whoopsie”??  Cavallari just celebrated her 25th birthday, was being a baby mama really on her agenda for 2012? At least she’s locked down Mr. Cutler??

Regardless, I guess a congratulations is in order for the new parents-to-be, but Cutler’s prego fiancee better not be a distraction to his hand rehab, we (Bears fans united) are expecting a playoff run next season. No excuses.

#DiscountDoubleChoke

Well gosh, this was fast. I think Packers haters were a bit fed up with that ridiculous Aaron Rodgers State Farm commercial and finally had the opportunity to stick-it-to-him. As the New York Giants started to close in on the Green Bay Packers this past Sunday, #Discountdoublechoke became a quick favorite trending topic on twitter (especially in Chicago).

Within just a few hours of the Packers demise, this gem was already for sale – obviously available in multiple colors (black, grey, light grey, and white) and only $17.00. 

The 2011 Packers are now the only 15-1 team to ever lose in the divisional playoff round.   It was by far the Packers’ worst performance this season, Rodgers should have gone with All State and maybe he would have been protected from this #discountdoublechoke mayhem brought on by the Giants!

If you would like to order, click here- Discount Double Choke T-Shirt – The Heckler Store.

Jealous of Joey the Jr. Reporter

Joey the Jr. reporter has my dream job and he’s only six years old. After his debut last year during Thanksgiving, the mini sports-reporter is back at it again in his second annual holiday edition of hard hitting journalism. As always, Joey is dressed in his shirt, tie, and carrying his official microphone. He interviews a slew of players about their holiday spirit including; Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Daniel Carcillo, Ben Smith, Jamal Mayers, even Coach Q. Who would have guessed Daniel Carcillo has such a lovely voice?

To watch Joey in action click below – he’s adorable.  Is it wrong to be jealous of a six-year-old?

Ronnie Brewer is Lookin’ Good

Looks like Ronnie Brewer did his homework this off season. Six (seven depending what time you read this) games into his second year with the Chicago Bulls, it is apparent Brewer has developed a little more than just a consistent jump shot during the NBA lock-out. The man has some serious confidence so far this season.

The Bulls bench or “bench mob” is solid, with back ups like Taj Gibson and C.J. Watson (pre-elbow injury), but Brewer has stood out from the rest of the second unit.  Unlike last year, Brewer is healthy and in shape – able to maximize on his shooting game. In Sunday night’s win over the Memphis Grizzlies, Brewer had 17 points while starting in place of an injured Richard Hamilton. Never considered a strong offensive player, mostly due to his strange shooting form, Brewer has always been a long-armed solid rock to the Bulls’ defense with excellent court vision, able to create turnovers and guard any opponents.

After the Bulls acquired Hamilton as a starting two guard, one can only imagine it was a bit of a shot to Ronnie’s ego, as he wasn’t going to be the Bulls starter. However, I think he used this situation as motivation. Yes it’s early in the season, and he hasn’t done anything miraculous, but I think we can expect much more out of Brewer offensively this season. He is taking the lead as the boss of the “bench mob” and in a season with a crazy number of back-to-back games, his strength/consistency will be key to the team’s success. And now with early season injuries to Hamilton and Watson, I expect his minutes to increase resulting in more shot attempts and ultimately making more baskets, which will only boost his confidence more.

Brewer told ESPN, “Playing with D-Rose and the level of defense [coach Tom Thibodeau] preaches, it kind of takes a little getting used to. This year was a little different. I came in in a lot better shape. Healthy, working on my shot and just been playing with a lot of confidence so far.” Get after it Ronnie B, Chicago is loving the new you.