Fear the Beard

Beards, they’re everywhere.

The general definition of a beard is simply: the collection of hair that grows on the chin, cheeks and neck of human beings. Usually, only pubescent or adult males are able to grow beards (thank you Wiki).

A woman’s definition of a beard is: Male facial hair that often makes a woman’s face itch and or breakout in a rash-like reaction. Often categorized with Santa Claus and the Amish culture.

A man’s definition of a beard is: Facial hair which symbolizes a man’s entire masculinity, signifying intimidation, it is the epitome of being a real man. The thicker and longer the beard, the more superior a man is.

I did a bit of investigating and came up with my top beards in the athletic world, these are obviously the manliest men in their designated sport.

NFL = Brett Keisel

If the stature of your beard determines masculinity, Brett Keisel is the maniliest man in all the NFL. Last year during the Steelers playoff run Keisel let his beard grow, and it gained quite the notoriety on the internet. I mean look at it, he could easily be cast as the beast in Beauty and the Beast. “I think it is bar none the best beard in sports. I’m not trying to brag, that’s just my opinion,” Keisel boasted to WTAE in Pittsburgh last year.

NBA = James Harden

Oklahoma City Thunder’s sixth man James Harden is a spark off the bench, and leaves a lasting impression no doubt. Sharing a roster with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, one would think the bench could easily be overshadowed. There is no way Harden’s beard could ever go unnoticed. That is one well manicured impressive display of facial hair.

NHL = Mike Commodore

Although, this photo is old school from his days with the Hurricanes, this outrageous fro-beard combination may be back in action if the Red Wings make the playoffs this season (not that I want them to). Mike Commodore could easily be the grizzlier cousin of Carrot Top with that mangy mane and beard combo.

MLB = Brian Wilson

YOWZA!  Closer Brian Wilson began growing his trademark black beard in August of 2010 when “Fear the Beard” carried the Giants all the way to a World Series Championship. That thing is like a neck warmer. Wilson is intimidating on the mound regardless, but having to look at that thick blackness can’t give batters the warm and fuzzies.

MLS = David Beckham

I mean I’m not sure midfielder David Beckham has the best beard in the entire sport, but he’s just so pretty, you can’t dislike him even with a fuzzy face. I wonder how Miss Victoria B (forever Posh Spice) felt about the beard?

Who are your top beards? Give it a try, it’s surprisingly tough to narrow it down.